Translating Technology with Humor
So my a/c is on the fritz and my usb fan is full blast but I want a little more. Now it seems someone was thinking on the same brain wave as me. Welcome to the future of self cooling with the USB Air Conditioned shirt.
So I could probably cut a hole in my button down shirt and duck tape a computer fan. Anyway it is one of those things that redefines the meaning of being wired.
Get ready all you pro-Bubble-Wrappers (PBW’s for short), this is the new way of practicing your sport. A bubble wrap simulator. No this isn’t a joke, keep those fingers moving till the the blisters pop. A way to keep the kids quiet, the dog barking and aspirin companies in business. Stop. Breath. Wake up to reality. This maybe the new hotest toy on the market considering the way our culture is breeding into a downward spiral. However it is rumored that our President may endorse these bubble wrap simulators, in hopes to distract the current headlines. They may make a great Christmas gift for that scrooge buried inside you… This is about as Technically Foreign as things get!
VIA: ohgizmo.com
Well, the truth is I don’t have to say bad things about microsoft since someone else has really summed it up. As a MCP (Microsoft Certified Professional) I have seen some interesting things on the Windows Operating System. Over the years it just seems to get worse. I haven’t even tried Vista yet since when I looked at the beta it froze during the installation.
Now these guys over at … Microsucks… — Love the Name — Have some good reasons why MS is so bad. Now before you read, realize that the business world does depend on these products and majority of users run there home-based systems off of Microsoft products. There are a ton of alternates and those are getting better by the day, but the list is very true.
And here are the reasons why Microsoft is so bad: http://fuckmicrosoft.com/content/whatsbad.shtml
A computer that I have used for a long time died, deceased, pushing up the daisies, kicked its case, gone to the other side (no its not a mac now!!) — it now is in a scrap pile outside waiting for a dumpster. What a terrible way to go. We had our time together, the past year and a half. Like dog years, computer years are calculate by nine years but that is nine years for every month it’s first post passes boot inspection. So, I shed a tear for my P4 friend who for prosperity I will name P4.
As his mother board fried due to an accidental close encounter with Mr. Starbucks I lay back in my swirly chair and wonder if computers have souls. I mean we have souls. I believe we have a spirit inside us, a unique and powerful energy that if you put your two pointer fingers slightly together but not touching and focus on the empty part you will see your own unique energy. Whatever you call it, a spirit, soul, aura it is there and its still somewhat of a mystery. Animals have souls, you can sense there energy when they are near you.
Death in all cultures is the time when that spirit leaves its vestal and journeys to some far away world. Will we see our electronic devices in heaven in some big shopping mall? Do they meet there maker? And who would that be the guy who made the designs or the union worker who screwed the motherboard to the casing. It won’t be Bill Gates since he most likely won’t be joining P4 in heaven. I believe P4 has a soul and is in computer heaven soaking up a futuristic virus free OS, and has a full upgrade with 24TB of ram and Petabyte hard drive. I can dream that he is having a good life making someone happy as they fight a battles in WOW with Einstein, Edison and Tesla.
With the passing of P4 I have learned that true lessons of technology; Moore’s law. A dual-core processor blows the slow poke out of the water! I salute P4 and all the processing he has done for me, I raise Mr. Starbucks, lay back in my swirly chair and listen to Pandora.com. Rest in peace my old friend, thanks for the memories, you won’t be missed since Dual-Core got a sister I’ve been eying and she’s called Quad-Core.
With more people mailing the USPS has been increasing the rates like crazy over the years. Now it isn’t about weight but size too. Cheaper to send a post card then a letter. Which brings me to the technology part of this interesting Postal topic — Email Postal Charges. We’ll call it EPC to keep with the growing trend of making up more ways to confuse people. Now if we implemented EPC and the USPS was in charge of it then we would need a USPS PM to that would be labeled as PMEPC who would probably need to increase the EPC every two days or so to keep up with the fast paced world of the Internet. Now that we have realized the Information Super Highway needs a couple of toll booths so it can be regulated, sensored and sealed up with read tape all of us Internet users can rest assure that we will be clicking in a safer place as our bank accounts get emptied out from the IT (Identity Thefters).
So before anyone complains about the snail mail interest rate increasing, sit back and pray that congress doesn’t put an email tax. Now some may believe this if fictional but just do a google search for Email Tax or Internet Tax…. I think its time to get back to tying little notes on pigeons.
Business is about speed and what slows you down the most? A ton of spam in your inbox, that P4 computer that’s still chugging away or is it the healthy switch to decaf? None of the above its the fact you don’t have Carpet Skates. Yes. I said it, Carpet Skates. That is a wierd phrase. These skates apparently do not have wheels but allow you to slide through your fast passed day with ease and maybe grab a workout.
The dangers of this might be obvious, like running over the interns, but lets face it we live in a fast paced world and what would be a better solution then speeding up the time it takes to get from one end of the office to another. Cutting down on the amount of time spent of doing one task like walking could save companies billions of dollars a year.
Now for all those who feel that this technically insane instead of foreign jump over to the Sci-Fi Tech blog or where they got a pair from E-Xtrem geek. I for one would love to have a pair but the server room doesn’t have carpet. In a couple of years when we have Extreme Geek Sports I will compete in the Carpet Skating International.